What You Are Looking For is in the Library
Michiko Aoyama
304 pages - 2020 - fiction, psychological
June 2nd, 2024 — June 3rd, 2024
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
I am of the firm belief that libraries are magical places. I think they are a bastion of the good parts of society. For one thing, they are one of the only places where people can gain information for free, without any sort of paywall. They have community spaces for all ages, events to bring people together, and are consistently adapting to the needs of the people who frequent them.
This book is an examination of the multitudinous benefits a library can have. It follows five different characters, all of different ages, backgrounds, and proclivities, who all find their way to the Community House, in which there is a library. All five of them are facing two problems, one of which they are aware and for which they are seeking answers, and another that is hidden to them.
The librarian is described the same way every time, through five different sets of eyes. They notice different things about her, but all say that she is generally a “large” woman, not in the sense of weight, but in her stature and demeanor. She is intimidating, but also draws people closer to her.
All five of them speak on her hands moving quickly as she works on her latest felting project. They all mention the box of Kuremiyado Honeydome cookies on her desk, in which she keeps her felting supplies. At the end of their individual interactions with her, she gives them a list of recommended books, always including one that is unexpected, along with what she calls a “bonus gift”, a felted creation. And, because of these extra books and bonus gifts, they find their way to a solution to at least one of their problems, often the one hidden away in their subconsciouses.
It’s an appealing story, because we’ve all wished for something along those lines. If only I could speak to a mysterious stranger who would send me down a path that would lead me to happiness. There were a lot of lovely, inspiring nuggets sprinkled in. Overall, it was a very enjoyable and somewhat unpredictable read.
I also enjoyed how some of the characters—besides the librarian, of course—appear in the other stories. These people all live close to each other, necessarily, because they all attend the same library. But there’s a certain comfort and joy that comes with reading a name you’ve read before. In some cases, the side characters in one story become the main characters in another, which is also fascinating. It’s rare that we read books and get such varied perspectives.
The Stories (Spoilers!)
The first story focuses on Tomoka, 21, who works as a womenswear sales assistant. She is not very satisfied in her professional life and wants to learn some marketable skills, so she goes to the library to learn Excel. The librarian offers her some books on computer skills, as well as Guri and Gura, a children’s book about two field mice. Along with the books, she offers Tomoka a felted frying pan.
The young girl reads through the books, including Guri and Gura. In it, the two field mice find a giant egg in the forest and have to decide what to do. Eventually they make it home and bake a castella. Tomoka realizes that people have a wide variety of memories attached to the book; it seems that everyone remembers the events in the story differently. She tries again and again, and eventually makes the perfect castella, sharing it with Kiriyama, who works in an eyeglass store near hers.
Through her attempts, she realizes that the book is not about the mice finding a giant egg. It is about them overcoming every challenge that they face. They have to figure out how to get the egg home, and then how to crack it, and then how to cook it, with all the steps in between. Tomoka’s story ends with her saying she never knows when she’ll find a giant egg of her own.
Then it transitions to Ryo, a man working in accounts. He is always thinking about “one day”, imagining that he will one day quit his job and open an antiques store. He has a long-term girlfriend whose family has accepted him readily, and yet they are not engaged yet, waiting for “one day” once again. Eventually, he gets to the library, and is given a list of books about store management. The last book on the list is called How Do Worms Work? and details gardening tips. He also receives a felted brown mackerel tabby cat.
Work gets more tense, and he amasses responsibilities without any relief. At home, he and his girlfriend Hina get into a fight. He feels that he is not good enough in every realm of his life. Sad and alone, he reads the book he was recommended, realizing that plants think of their structures aboveground, the stems and leaves and flowers, as the same importance as their underground lives, their roots. Humans only think of plants in terms of leaves, but there is a whole other world below.
Ryo goes to a store that sells books, beer, and has a variety of cats running around. He sees a tabby that is a mirror image of his felted gift. The cat sits on the store owner’s lap as the man explains to Ryo how he came to open his store, and how fulfilling it was, even balancing it with other work and responsibilities.
Bolstered, Ryo finds Hina and tells her that he wants to open an antique store. She is supportive immediately and even offers that they can do it together, and get married in the process. He takes charge at work and starts standing up for himself. At the end, he says that “one day” is finally going to become “tomorrow”.
The third story is about Natsumi, a magazine editor who was moved to Information Resources—a demotion in her mind—after she had her daughter, Futaba. She values her work and wants to move back up to an editor position, but she is the one who has to take charge of all the childcare, leading to her missing important meetings to pick up Futaba from daycare. She fights with her husband, desperate because she wants him to value her work like he values his own.
She takes Futaba to the library, where there is a children’s room, and while there, she meets with the librarian. She is recommended some children’s books for Futaba, as well as Door to the Moon, a book on astrology, and a felted globe. She reads the book and learns about the connection between the moon and mothers/wives. It seems to strengthen her resolve. She meets with Madam Mizue, a higher-up at the magazine, who sympathizes with her struggles in balancing home and work, as well as feeling that too much responsibility is placed on her. Even the sympathy seems to cure something within her.
She applies for a job at a publishing company, excited, but is rejected and falls into a deep sadness. But Kiriyama, who we met in Tomoka’s story, knows of her and her desire to enter the publishing sector. He calls her to say that there’s a job opening and she would be perfect for it. Happily, she takes the position at a company that writes mainly children’s books but also puts out stories for all ages. At this place, bringing your children to work is encouraged, and she seems much more relaxed. Her husband is also incredibly supportive and takes up more responsibility in caring for their child. She is no longer stuck on a merry-go-round.
The fourth story is about Hiroya, a 30-year-old who lives with his mother and is not in employment, education, or training. His mother has prodded him slightly, but definitely is not harsh on him, despite his stagnancy. Hiroya loves anime and manga, and sees a felted character from an obscure anime he’s loved since childhood. Inquiring about it, he finds his way to the librarian, and they chat happily about various anime and manga. She recommends him the book Evolution: A Visual Record.
We learn that Hiroya had gone to design school and was a passionate artist, but he could not find work after graduating, so he gave up his dream and stopped searching. In reading the book, he is inspired to draw, using the images as inspiration. The librarian’s assistant sees his drawings and praises them heartily, and while Hiroya does not believe her compliments, they obviously mean a great deal to him.
At his twelve-year high school reunion, he pockets the note he wrote to himself in the time capsule. He meets up with Seitaro, a talented writer who has continued writing but has not been published yet. This man is the only former classmate who was friendly to Hiroya, so they leave the event together and chat. Later, he receives a call from Seitaro, who tearfully tells him that he is finally going to be published. Hiroya, feeling sorry for himself, reads the note he wrote. He had thought it said he would be a famous artist; instead, he actually wrote, “I will draw art that people will remember.”
Hiroya starts working at the Community House, filling in a gap left by a woman on maternity leave so that the librarian’s assistant can continue her training to become a full librarian. He keeps drawing and finds happiness in the work he’s doing, surrounded by people that support him.
The last story is about Masao, 65, who recently retired from his job at the Kuremiyado Honeydome factory. He worked there for 42 years, never doing anything else, and finds that he has no hobbies once he’s retired. His wife recommends courses at the Community House, as she teaches computer classes (including the one to Tomoka!) there herself. Masao tries to learn Go, but finds it quite difficult and confusing. He is also warned by the teacher that retirement often leads to divorce, which scares Masao.
At the library, he gets some books on the tactics of Go, but he also receives the book Genge and Frogs, a collection of poetry. He also gets a small felted crab. He finds the poetry difficult as well, but he tries his best to understand it. His daughter, Chie, works at a bookstore and has a passion for literature. He finds out that she loves the author of the poetry collection, and they get to speak on their favorite lines and poems. He feels a great pride in learning that the poem she cites as one of her favorites, ‘Window’, was his favorite, too.
While out with his wife one day, he sees some crabs in a market, alive in a tank. The sign above them says that they can be eaten, but they also advertise the creatures as pets. He realizes that he had never thought of them as potential pets, and thinks on how everything is about perspective and framing. By the end of the story, he and his wife are taking a walk together, and both seem much more content than before.
Felt and Seen
The stories in the book are very procedural, which gets a bit repetitive. By the third story, the same descriptions of the librarian are a bit tired. I was hoping that there would be a variety of descriptions because of the variety of perspectives, but they were all nearly cookie-cutter.
But I did love a lot of the wisdom in the book. It felt as though these were all fables, with morals at the end, but not in a bad way. There were many lines that I found quite comforting.
One paragraph I wrote down to remember was about what makes the world go ‘round—Ryo says he thinks it’s love, but Hina responds that it’s trust.
“Anything you do—borrowing money from a bank, commissioning a piece of work, sending or receiving a parcel, making a plan with friends, ordering food at a restaurant—all those things can only happen because of mutual trust on both sides.
Something about that really resonated with me. It’s true—we all trust so deeply that society will be upheld long enough for us to send a letter or eat at a restaurant or drive to work. We take it all for granted. It is such a beautiful thing that there are so many institutions and processes happening right now because of human thought. And a lot of them are flawed, sure, but the fact that I can even write this out and post this somewhere is a fascinating phenomenon that I do not think about enough.
There is another section where Natsumi is speaking with Madam Mitzue. She mentions that being a mother is hard, and Mitzue responds that being born is hard, too; it was such a shock to be born, and we’ve all forgotten it. She says she tries to remind herself, in moments of happiness, that this is what she was born for. At the end of their conversation, Mitzue says, “I’m so glad I met you.” Then, Natsumi muses on it for a moment and says,
This was worth being born for, I thought, from the bottom of my heart.
Every day I write down something that I am grateful for. I try my best to notice all the things that make me happy, whether it is something big like a graduation party or something small like a pawprint in snow. I will definitely be implementing this sense of gratitude into my daily practice—I was born to experience the sun on my face and to smile at the moon.
In Natsumi’s section as well, the librarian, Ms. Komachi, offers her a wisdom that I found quite compelling. Natsumi says, “I want to try and change. Thanks to this book.” Ms. Komachi responds:
“You may say that it was the book, but it’s how you read a book that is most valuable, rather than any power it might have itself.”
I think this is the sentiment I’ve tried to capture in saying that there is a right place and a right time for most experiences. If I am in the right place and time in my life for a book to affect me in the deepest way, it is how I read it and apply it that affects me rather than the words themselves. I love rereading books that I’ve previously enjoyed for this same purpose. I think the second time I read Jurassic Park was even more meaningful than the first because of how I had changed and grown between readings. The third reading of Frankenstein was heartbreaking. I’m still finding new hidden gems in A Series of Unfortunate Events, which I have read too many times, and am itching to read again.
The last passage I wanted to highlight was in the chapter on Hiroya, the 30-year-old man who was unemployed and living with his mother. He starts working at the library and brings home an envelope of his first paycheck. The passage starts with him saying that he is grateful for so many things, but he says he is especially thankful for his mother. She could have hidden him or pressured him, but she was constantly supportive and loving.
When my first pay came, I handed all of it to Mom in an envelope, with a small bouquet of flowers. My way of saying: Sorry, Mom, and thanks. You must have been worried, but you never showed it.
But Mom wouldn’t accept the envelope. She just pushed it back at me without opening it, then stuck her face into the flowers and cried.
It is another example of how small actions can mean more than one knows. He thought the envelope would be her focus; instead it is the flowers. It is the action of showing that he cares, and he sees what she has done for him over all these years.
The book as a whole is a showcase of humanity. It represents all different people of different backgrounds, but people who grow into themselves. They all gain something intangible and invaluable.
And, the truth is, while we may never meet a mysterious librarian who gives us a book with all of our answers inside, there is always the possibility of taking the leap and chasing whatever we feel will fulfill us. I want to try and focus on those thoughts that arise; what do I want? What am I looking for?
Total pages read so far, 2024: 10,611
Total books read so far, 2024: 29
Next book: The Lucifer Effect by Philip Zimbardo